she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
