Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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