i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
