that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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