I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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