K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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