just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
