alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
