Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
