the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
