You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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