I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
