just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
