Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
time to smoke my breakfast
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
