10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
