im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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