It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
