You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Farmville is her only friend.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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