I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
