my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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