you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
farters have to be the big spoon...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
