Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
