i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
