He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
