We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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