So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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