like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
