eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
