I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
