the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
