Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
