I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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