I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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