So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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