Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
