I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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