There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
