it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Even my vagina gasped.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
