she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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