My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
