DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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