soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize