You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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