FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
