apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
