Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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