Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
