if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
