Are we in a gay sports bar?
My liver just broke up with me...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize