what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
