just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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