I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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