Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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