Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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