In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
