i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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