So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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