I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
