Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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