Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
