i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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