don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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