I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
