My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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