she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
