I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
